Module 3: Strategies for Having Challenging Conversations

Preparing for Challenging Conversations

The following strategies can help you prepare for hard conversations. They are modified from the Family Learning Community Network’s Equity in Family Engagement Toolkit (see page 24).

1. Reflect on the topic on your own or with a colleague before talking to the family.  This can help you to understand our own strengths, biases, opinions, and feelings. Doing so helps us to recognize and honor how our experiences and beliefs influence our work and acknowledge our strengths and biases and understand our feelings, attitudes, and opinions.
2. Prepare your questions about the topic by thinking about what you are prepared to ask and why. Some questions you might answer include:
   • What might help you in your work or to allow the family to feel heard and understood?
   • What outcomes do you expect?
   • What possible outcomes are you prepared for?
   • What are your backup plans?
   • Do you have a referral process in place to provide families with requested community supports (community partner or agency)?
3. Prepare questions to learn about the family’s perspective on the challenging topic. Learning about the family’s perspective will help you to partner to support the student. Some questions you might answer include:
   • How might the family view a conversation about this topic with you?
   • What feelings might the family have about the topic (surprise, relief, shock, shame, fear, frustration, no feelings at all)?
   • How will you work with the family to understand more about how cultural differences may play a part in how you both see the challenging topic?
   • What potential negative outcomes can arise from this conversation?
   • What might the family hope to gain from this conversation?
   • How will this conversation help you partner with this family?
4. Take the time to prepare families for the conversation. Oftentimes, only one party in the discussion is prepared to have the tough conversation. It is wise for all parties involved to be prepared for the meeting and avoid having the topic sprung on them. Here are some questions to consider to help prepare a family for hard conversations:
   • Do family members know the nature, purpose, and spirit of the conversation?
   • Do family members expect that you may be offering help with matters that they may consider highly private or personal?
   • Do family members expect to work on differences in understanding of a situation?
   • Do family members expect you to share concerns you may have?
5. In addition to these preparation steps, it is good practice to prepare a comfortable, welcoming, and safe environment to have a hard conversation. Not only is it vital for the family to feel comfortable and secure, but for the school staff as well. It is encouraged to have a colleague in the room if it will help you feel more comfortable. Be sure to tell the family everyone who will be attending the meeting in advance so they will feel comfortable as well

Leading a Challenging Conversation

After taking time to prepare, you can use the following steps modified from the Council for the Accreditation of Educator Preparation (CAEP; Jacobson, 2017) in their Practice Parent Phone Call Training.

1. Empathy and Positive Expectations Throughout the Conversation
   • Use partnership-oriented words like “we”, “us”, and “our”
   • Avoid judgmental language like “you should” or “you must”
2. Opening
   • Greet the family and introduce yourself.
   • Confirm that the family has time to talk and that everything is okay with the child (if they are at school).
   • State the purpose of the call
   • Use a confident and friendly tone
3. Sharing Information
   • Clearly and objectively share the facts of the situation
   • Use non-judgmental language
   • Express something positive about the child
4. Asking Questions
   • Ask appropriate open-ended questions to learn more about the child and family like “How is the school year going for you?” “Can you tell me more about [child’s name] interests and how s/he is feeling about school?”
   • Ask partnership-oriented questions like “Do you have any advice for me about how to help [child’s name] have a great year?” or “Do you see any ways we can continue to work together to support [child’s name]?
5. Closing
   • Propose clear closure to the conversation
   • Confirm next steps
   • Thank the family for their time and confirms how to keep in touch

As you listen to these examples from the training, notice that the teacher forgets to ask questions. Think of a question you might ask the family in each situation.

• Good News Example
• Bad News Example

Responding to Specific Situations

During challenging conversations, families may experience a range of emotions from relief to frustration. It is important to actively listen to the family to understand their perspective and respond in a calm and supportive manner to maintain a strong partnership with the family. Gorman et al. (2004) described common situations teachers and related service providers might experience and principles to guide your response.